Courtroom Disorder

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
-------------------------------------
Q:        What is your date of birth?
A:        July fifteenth.
Q:        What year?
A:        Every year.
-------------------------------------
Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
-------------------------------------
Q:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A:  Yes.
Q:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:  I forget.
Q:  You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you've
    forgotten? 
-------------------------------------
Q:  How old is your son,  the one living with you.
A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q:  How long has he lived with you?
A:  Forty-five years.
------------------------------------
Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
    morning?
A:  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q:  And why did that upset you?
A:  My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------
Q:  And where was the location of the accident?
A:  Approximately milepost 499.
Q:  And where is milepost 499?
A:  Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
--------------------------------------
Q:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
A:  We both do.
Q:  Voodoo?
A:  We do.
Q:  You do?
A:  Yes, voodoo.
-------------------------------------
Q:  Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
    lights flashing?
A:  Yes.
Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  What did she say?
A:  What disco am I at?
--------------------------------------
Q:  She had three children, right?
A:  Yes.
Q:  How many were boys?
A:  None.
Q:  Were there any girls?
--------------------------------------
Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A:  I went to Europe, Sir.
Q:  And you took your new wife?
-------------------------------------
Q:  Can you describe the individual?
A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q:  Was this a male, or a female?
--------------------------------------
Q:  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
-------------------------------------
Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
A:  Oral.
---------------------------------------
Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
---------------------------------
Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
-----------------------------------
Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for breathing?
A:  No.
Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy? 
A:  No.
Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
    somewhere. 
-------------------------------------
Q:  The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
---------------------------------------
Q:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
-------------------------------------
Q:  Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
--------------------------------------
Q:  Did he kill you?